Again and again and again
by leuska
Summary: Spoilers for 2x22 Sona. AU. A conversation I was hoping to see between Michael and Sara after the events in the end of 2x22 Sona. Romance, MiSa. , ONE-SHOT


Title: Again, and again, and again

Author: Lizparker6

Pairing: Michael/Sara

Rating: PG-13

Summary: I always thought about what would happen it Sara didn't get kidnapped and had the chance to talk to Michael after his inprisonment into Sona. And I always thought she would be..kinda..well, pissed.:)

Disclaimer: English is NOT my first language, so SORRY SORRY SORRY, I know you can tell, but well, what can I do? Right? ;)

Also, this story is written and meant as a blackmail for msgenevieve , who I threatened I would write a fanfic of my own if she didn't continue her. Now it's all her fault, so you can direct all complaints to her. ;)

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She is walking under the burning sun towards the fence, her arms hugging her slender figure in the process. She walks firmly, though when one would look closer, he would see that she somehow rocks in her pace.

He is already there, waiting at the fence, a happy and utmost relieved expression all over his features. She is alright and safe, Lincoln was telling the truth. It's not that he wouldn't trust his brother, in fact, he trusted him with his life. But when it came to this woman, he just had to check for himself. See her with her own eyes.

She was approaching in quick strides, but it couldn't go any slower for Michael. During this whole time, she didn't bring up her eyes once, always firmly looking at the ground ahead of her. His concern started to grow, was she ok at all?

Five more steps for her to make, now only three...two...one... There she was, in all of her grace, the most angelic thing he has seen in days. However, something was up, he knew. Lincoln only said as much as that he had finally found her and that she was ok and going to see him today. Nothing more, but those few information were enough to help Micheal to get through the night. Literally.

„Hi." He said as calm as possible, although he couldn't keep the cheeriness out of his voice completely.

She never replied nor did she lift up her eyes, she merely gazed at the dirt at his feet.

„What's wrong?" Micheal asked nervously, a feeling of fright creeping up in him.

„What's wrong?!" Sara asked in a raised voice, her eyes finally lifting to meet Michael's. They were blazing with anger. She hugged her body even tighter, making nervous steps back and forth in one spot. She took a sharp breath and then begun with in a deadly calm voice.

„Michael, I know you have this ... this ... _saviour_ complex of yours; the need to help people you care about ...or just simply some strangers and that's ok, it really is!" Sara said in nervous, uncertain manner; like she needed to convince herself first before she could convince him. The way she was behaving was utmost unnerving and disconcerted Michael to his very core. She reminded him of someone, but he forbid himself to go that far. If he did, he would find out she reminded him strongly on Alex Mahone during his obsessed manic episodes.

„ ... but that ... that ... _stunt_ you pulled in that jungle out there, that was way past every limit." She was practicaly trembling with rage and Michael's heart was aching at that horrific sight.

„ ...and if you think you've done me a favor by doing what you did back there, then let me get this straight for you. The _only_ thing you accomplished was to hurt me. In the most cruel of ways."

She was breathing hard now and he could feel all the tension and fear and guilt and anger and so much more inside her building up in her. The sight caused his heart to squeeze in agony, but he didn't let it on. He couldn't do this to her, not now.

He expected something like this, he would lie if he said he didn't, but the magnitude of it was far graver than he could ever imagined. She took one more deep breath before she continued.

"And I am _not_ talking just about that fact that you deceived me once again, or that you are rotting away in the jail for a crime I did commit or that.." She couldn't continue momentarily, she was close to tears and she tried to compose herself to be able to continue, but the task was harder than expected. He couldn't take that sight any longer.

„Sara..." He made a step closer and leaned into the fence, it was the closest he could get to her. He was shocked though to find she also made a step, backwards.

„And let me finish!" She spatted angrily. The familiarity of her statement took Michael strongly aback, the painfull memories giving Sara the so much needed time to get a grip on herself again. She let out a shaky breath and continued.

„Michael, do you have _any _idea what you have done? _You left me alone!_" He didn't say anything, he could see now she was barely able to keep her thoughts together, desperate struggling to find a way to explain to him. He already understood, but he knew she had to do it herself first. Still, it didn't help the sick mortifying feeling that was now all over his heart, squeezing all the oxygen out of his chest. She took another shaky breath and continued more calmly.

„You left me alone feeling worst of worse I could ever imagine. You left me alone to fight the persistant urge to find the next damned liquor store and pharmacy and buy out all the pain medication they had. I killed a man! And i couldn't get a grasp on that, I couldnt even feel any justice I would if facing the police. Nor could I cry my eyes out on your shoulder because you _weren't there_!" Michael unsuccesfully fought the tears that started forming in his eyes.

„And I know this all sounds selfish to you right now, but guess what. What _you_ did was the most selfish thing. You may tell yourself you did it for me, but you didn't, ..." _God, did she really just said that alound? Did she really just accuse Michael, Michael Scofield, of being selfish?! She couldn't believe what she was saying. After all he've done for his brother? For her?God, her was getting SO out of hand, but she couldn't help it._ „...you did it all for yourself because you knew it would make you feel better, but you didn't think how much worse it would make _me_ feel!"

_She couldn't hold it together for any longer. She was loosing it. All sanity gone. She was at least aware of that. She suddenly felt the urge to get out of here so he wouldn't see her mental breakdow. Not him, nor any other person in the radius of at least a mile of this hellhole. But no matter what, not HIM. _

_God, what was only wrong with her? She came here today, intending only to ask him how he was, if he was ok, if he hurt, if he missed her... Because she did,oh she did so terribly. Not to mention how terribly she felt, and she _needed_ him to know. Needed him to know all her guilt and all her sorrow, the big hole he left in her heart._

_Instead, she was yelling at him acussing him of things that were simply out of their control, his control. Because she knew, she knew he did it because he had strong feeling for her, feelings that she believed never to experience in her life by anybody, ever._

_And the worst part? He was only standing there, looking at her with those stupidly beautiful deep eyes, calmly taking in everything she was saying, practically yelling into his face. After all of this, she expected him to be at least a bit angry. Or defensive. Or anything. No, she practically BEGGED him to be angry with her, she so desperately needed somebody to tell her _she_ was to blame. The blame placed by someone else would maybe be more bearable than that of herself, chewing on her insides for days on end. _

And then he said something that blew her of her feet completely. With the most calm and quiet voice, he said.

„You are right. I was being selfish and I am sorry. I would rather be dead than experience the pain and guilt caused by you being punished on my account. Again. I simply couldn't let that happen. And you are right, I took the blame because I knew it would be easier to be put in whatever place on earth, even this hellhoole, than to watch you being torn from me again. And I am sorry for that."

She gave a small desperate sob that wrenched his heart. She looked at him again, this time however, there was a great tenderness and desperation in her look.

„I didn't come here to fight. And I didn't come here to yell at you either. You just..."

Sara continued quietly, but couldn't finish her sentence and grasped the wooden railing to support her stand. She already knew there was no way she would walk out of here with her head high, but at this particular moment, she didn't care anymore. She only wanted the man behind that fence to somehow miraculously appear at her side and hold and comfort her. She wanted to tell him so many things, but she couldn't get one comprehend word out of herself.

Micheal looked like he had the same wish as her, to comfort her at any cost, but tearing down the fence with his own hands wouldn't count for a miracle but rather a reason for the guards to shoot him on the spot. Instead, he pressed himself into the fence as deep as possible, his fingers subconsciously trying to reach for the woman standing at least 30 inches away form him, his consciousness well aware it was not possible. The fence dug deep in between his fingers, but he didn't care, he only saw the broken woman wrenched in sobs in front of him and it killed him not to be able to touch her, let her know how much she meant to him.

It was perhaps now he could fully comprehend what his actions really did to her. He tried to supress his own tears on order to keep some sanity in the hope to be able to clear this mess up as soon as possible.

It took painfully long for her to calm down a bit, at least so much she was able to look back at him again throught blurred vision. She took one last teary sob and quickly driied her face with her sleeve.

„I am sorry...I didn't intent to break like this." She said quietly.

„Don't be." He replied softly.

„You know, so far I didn't say or do anything I've come here for tonight." She gave a small laugh, though no humour was contained.

„Sara.." Michael begun, but she cut him off again, this time however, it was not offensive in any way.

„It's just, ...you are the only person I've got left, Michael. The only person in my life I can trust, I cant turn to, I can..._love_. And if anything happened to you..."

„It won't..."

„...on my account..."

„It won't! And it definitely won't be on your account, it will be on companys! Sara listen..." _He gives a deep sigh. _„...I've done what I've done because I love you. I admit, It may not be the smartest thing I've done in my life in the long shot, but I would do it again. And again, and again, and again. I am sorry if that upsets you, but your safety is my highest priority."

He pauses for a moment, his head unvoluntarily playing some of his most painfull memories. Then, he explaines in a more softer voice.

„After what happened back in Chicago..while I was on that steamer listening to sirens comming for you, and I didn't know if you were even alive or dead, I swore to myself that if by any miracle I was reunited with you again, I would rather die than leave you behind like that again."

If anybody else would say that, she would laugh them out. But coming it from Michael Scofield, she knew he was being deadly serious.

„There is something else I want to tell you...", he said and a dark, unfamiliar look flickered through his eyes, „...you've hurt me too." He said it casualy, his tone not accusing in any way.

Still, it took Sara by surprise, to hear a statement like that form him, and gave him a curious look. She had no idea what he was talking about.

„Back in Chicago, when we were supposed to meet on that ship, and we talked on the phone ..."

The realization of what he was talking about slowly dawned on her with a dreadfull feeling.

„... and you told me you were already on board..."

Something about the way he said it made her feel like someone poured a bucket of ice cubes into her stomach.

...you lied and I was left for seven agonizing days inprisoned in a cabin I was supposed to share with you. My mind could only repeat the last two sentences you said to me, over and over in my head in a loop. Yes, I've had my freedom, but as I already said, it was no good without you."

_Oh god, he was giving her that look, that look that was not acussing, but the look of pure love she couldn't resist. She looked away, a sickening feeling of guilt washing over her. _

„Sara." He gently called her name. When she didnt respond, he called a bit louder.

„Sara. Please, look at me." She lifted her gaze and locked it with his.

„Sara, I am not telling you this to cause you any more guilt. I know you are already drowning yourself in it. I am simply telling you this in hope you understand why I chose to do what I did in that shag in the woods. I did it because I care about you. Because I love you."

She was sillently watching him and he could see the meaning of his words dawn on her, yet he could see she still wasn't fully convinced.

„Sara, I have one question."

„What?" She said almost in a whisper.

„Do you regret what you did back in Chicago?" She closed her eyes. _No. She never did and never would._

„No." She said firmly, her eyes closed, seeing now the trap he set her. With a feeling of silent resignation, she opens her eyes only to be stared at by those beatiful deep eyes and whispers only for him to hear.

„I would do it again, and again and again."

He gives her a small warm smile which she return with a small uneasy grin that spreads and spreads until she relieves it in a small laught that is music to his ears.

„So are we good?" Michael askes sheepishly, as if they were fighting about him forgeting to use a coaster under his drink.

„Yes." She says calmly, feeling strangely tired but unbelievably relieved, like somebody lifted a heavy weight that lay days on her shoulders.

„And thank you." She adds. Sara knows he did it to release her of guilt and God she doesn't know how, but it actually worked. A bit. For now.

„Come here." He says and pokes his fingers through the fence once more. This time, she doesn't keep her distance, on the contrary. She closes the gap between them in two quick strides. Michael shots a somewhat concerned glance over to the guards tower, but the guard is, thank God, currently looking another way.

During this split of a second has Sara already intertwined their fingers through the fence and brought her face only inches away from his. They stare into each others eyes for what feels like eternity, but they both know that eternity is never going to be enough.

„I love you." Sara whispers huskily, her voice full of emotion belonging only to Michael.

„I love you." He whispers back, a crashing devoutness in his voice.

„Promise me you will take care of yourself here and stay out of trouble." She says concerned.

„I promise." He knows this promise means a lot to her and God knows he won't break it this time.

„Promise me you want do any hero stuff while being in there. For nobody." She knows she asks him for too much, but she can't help it, she is too concerned this man who wants to save the world will not be able to keep a low profile when other people get harmed in front of him.

He stares at her for a long time and she starts to think she may have pushed too much.

„I promise." He says in a deep sincere voice and she know that he means in. Now. But she also know it's as much as she can ask and she loves him for that even more.

„Kiss me?" She asks shyly and throws a quick glance at the guards tower, the same gesture Micheal did just moments before. The guard is still looking the other direction.

Michael gives her a loopsided grin and leans into the free space in the fence, his lips gently meeting Saras already expectant ones. The kiss is brief, chaste and in haste, and not at all as reassuring or romantic as both of them would wish, but it will have to do. For now. They pull apart reluctantly, but their hands stay intertwined through the fence.

„Lincoln is doing everything in his power to get you out as soon as possible. And I will do everything to help of course, but I wanted to ask, is there anything else I can do for you? Bring you?" Sara asks carefully.

Michael gives her a soft smile. „Only thing you can bring me is you. I need nothing more."

She looks away in slight embarassment. „Michael, I am actually being serious."

„I am too." He replies, though she can see a playfull gleam in his eyes.

The guard at his post finally turns around and shout something in spanish at them. Sara doesn't notice, but Michael does and he drops his hands from the fence immediately, stepping three steps away. He regrets it, but he won't do anything to give the guard any reason to shoot or God forbid, ban Sara from visitations. He sees a glimpse of remorse wash over her eyes, but it's gone immediately, she understands.

„I'll...I'll better return to the car. Lincoln is waiting. I've been long enough, he must think I am breaking you out of here by now." She gives a soft chuckle and he closes his eyes to savour it for later.

„I'll come tomorrow, ok?"

He nodds, his eyes never leaving her face.

„I promise to behave till then." He says playfully with one of his hands spread over his chest, second howering over his shoulder in a scout like way. She rewards him with her most radiant smiles that melts his heart.

„I will be the judge of that, Scofield." She says with a smirk. „But honestly, be carefull, ok?"

He nodds.

„Tomorrow." He assures himself once more.

„Tommorow." She clasps her hands together nervously and starts to walk away. Michael is about to watch her leave, when she suddenlty stops in her tracks, an idea occuring to her. She turns on her heals and quickly strides back, tightly grasping something in her hands. She casts a quick glance at the tower again and for some reason, the guard is glancing the other way once more. She quickly pushes something through the fence and it's not until he holds it firmly in his hands that Michael recognizes what it is; it's her golden ring with the turquoise eye she always wears on her right index finger.

„I want you to have it. You know, something to ... something to remind you of me." She says blushing like mad, eyes averted. She casts him a look and notices his shocked face.

„Sara, I can't take this, it's the only thing you've got left from your parents." Michael starts abrupty.

„I want you to have it." She says firmly, not allowing him to go where she knows he is going with this.

„Michael, don't be so shocked, I am not proposing." She says in an attempt to ease the situation a bit, but knows she fails miserably because his eyes are all glassy now.

„I am only borrowing it to you. You are going to return it to me when you get out, ok?" She says softly, a promise hidden somewhere in that sentence, a promise that doesn't go unnoticed by Micheal.

„What if somebody steals it from me?" He asks, holding the ring like a fragile flower. Sara gives him a small smile.

„Then you have to hide it really well."

„And what if I don't have the chance to return it to you?" He says thoughtfully, but they both know what he means and suddenly she can't breathe.

„The ring is worth nothing without it's temoporary owner. I won't take it back without you."

She says softly and he feels the strongest urge to hug her tight and never let go. Unfortunately he has to. The guard on the tower turns back and now has an angry look on his face, obviously wondering what Sara's still doing there.

Micheal slips the ring with with the biggest care into his pocket, giving Sara a last glance.

„I'll see you soon." She says firmly before she walks away.


End file.
